Navigating grief during the holidays: Practical and gentle strategies for families

Tamiko Teshima, M.A., CCC-SLP
Practice Owner & Speech-Language Pathologist
Kerina Luark, LLPC
Pediatric Mental Health Clinician
Duncan Lake Speech Therapy, LLC

The holidays are often described as a joyful season, but for many families, this time of year brings up a mix of emotions. Grief can feel sharper during the holidays because routines shift, traditions change, and memories of loved ones feel closer to the surface. Children and adults may experience grief in different ways, and it is common for families to feel overwhelmed by expectations, social gatherings, and the pressure to be cheerful.

If your family is navigating grief this season, you are not alone. Below are practical, gentle strategies that can help support emotional well being for both children and caregivers.

Keep expectations low and routines soft

When a child or adult is grieving, even simple routines can feel demanding. The holidays often disrupt regular schedules, which can make grief feel heavier.

You do not have to “do the holidays” the way you always have. Give yourself permission to lower expectations, reduce commitments, and keep routines flexible. That might look like fewer outings, later bedtimes, or a slower-paced morning. Low demand days can help kids and adults regulate emotions, communicate more clearly, and feel more grounded.

Anchor the day with predictable touchpoints

Predictability creates emotional safety, especially for children. When grief is present, even a few consistent moments can help the day feel steadier.

You might choose one or two simple touchpoints such as a shared breakfast, a short walk, a quiet snack together, or a bedtime routine. These anchors help kids know what to expect, which supports emotional regulation and reduces overwhelm. For children who use AAC or benefit from visual schedules, these supports can offer additional clarity and comfort.

Offer Simple, Concrete Language for Big Emotions

Kids often feel grief in their bodies before they have words for it. Adults sometimes struggle to find the right words too, especially during the holidays.

Short, simple phrases can make a big difference.
Try things like,
“You can tell me if you need a break.”
“It makes sense that you feel sad.”
“It’s okay to have different feelings today.”

You do not need long explanations. Naming emotions and offering acceptance helps kids feel seen and safe.

Build in Sensory Breaks or Calm Corners

Grief can increase sensitivity to noise, activity, and social demands. Having a place to reset can prevent overwhelm.

A calm space could include dim lighting, headphones, a weighted blanket, soft seating, fidgets, or access to movement. These sensory supports help regulate the body, which in turn makes communication and emotional expression easier. Even a short sensory break can reduce the intensity of the moment.

Loosen the Holiday Rules

Many families feel pressure to maintain traditions or keep everything the same despite grief. It is okay to simplify or change traditions when they no longer feel supportive.

You might choose one tradition instead of many, leave gatherings early, or skip events entirely. Maybe pajamas stay on all day, or maybe you choose to celebrate in a quieter way this year. Reducing demands honors both grief and emotional capacity.

Create Gentle Ways to Honor Loved Ones

Honoring loved ones can be comforting but does not have to be elaborate. Simple rituals can help families connect, remember, and move through the season with intention.

You might light a candle, display a photo, make a favorite recipe, share a story, or create a small art project or ornament. These gestures can help kids understand that remembering someone is part of love, not something to avoid or hide.

Use Visuals or Tools to Support Communication

For young children, neurodivergent kids, or kids with limited verbal communication, visuals can make emotional expression easier. Consider offering:

• A feelings chart or “feelings menu”
• A break card
• A simplified visual schedule
• AAC pages that include emotion words and coping strategies

These tools help children communicate needs without pressure or guesswork.

Offer Choices, Not Pressure

Grief can make kids and adults feel out of control. Offering small choices restores a sense of agency and reduces overwhelm. You might ask:

• “Do you want to stay ten more minutes or go now?”
• “Do you want dinner at the table or on the couch?”

Binary choices support emotional regulation and help kids feel safe while still providing structure.

Make Space for Your Own Grief Too

Caregivers experience grief just as deeply as children do. Making time to acknowledge your own feelings is not only important for you but also models healthy emotional expression for your child.

Your grief matters. Taking care of yourself supports your ability to care for your child with presence and compassion

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If this season feels different than years past, that is okay. Grief changes the way families move through the world, especially during the holidays. There is no timeline for healing and no right or wrong way to feel.

If you or your child need extra support with communication, emotional expression, or navigating big feelings this season, Duncan Lake Speech Therapy is here to help. Our approach centers compassion, inclusivity, and meeting families exactly where they are.