Tamiko Teshima, M.A., CCC-SLP
Practice Owner and Speech-Language Pathologist
Kerina Luark, LLPC
Mental Health Clinician
Duncan Lake Speech Therapy, LLC
At Duncan Lake Speech Therapy, we hear from many parents who feel stressed heading into the holidays. Family gatherings can be hard for a lot of reasons. Routines change, expectations increase, and there are (often unsolicited) comments about children’s behavior, eating, talking, or development. Even when everyone means well, it can feel like a lot.
This is why boundaries matter. They give you a plan, they support your child, and they help the season feel more manageable.
What Is a Boundary?
A boundary is a limit you set about your own behavior. It is not about telling someone else what to do. It is a plan for how you will respond in order to protect your time, energy, and wellbeing.
A healthy boundary sounds like:
- “If the noise gets too loud, we will head outside for a few minutes.”
- “If my child seems overwhelmed, we will take a break in a quiet space.”
- “If certain topics come up, I will step out of the conversation.”
Boundaries are plans, not punishments. They help you make choices that align with your values and your child’s needs.
Why Boundaries Matter During the Holidays
Holiday gatherings often include large groups, new routines and people, new foods, and high emotions. This combination can be overwhelming for many children and adults, especially those who are neurodivergent or have communication differences.
Boundaries create a sense of predictability. They help your child know what to expect, feel more grounded and confident, and make it possible for them to enjoy connection without feeling drained or overstimulated.
Boundaries Can Look Like…
For Kids:
- Letting your child know they never have to hug or kiss relatives
- Planning shorter visits
- Bringing preferred foods for children with limited eating ranges
- Building in breaks and quiet time
- Using visuals or social stories ahead of time
For Adults:
- Choosing not to stay overnight if that increases stress
- Limiting the length of a gathering
- Stepping away from conversations that do not feel safe
- Saying no to extra responsibilities
- Creating space to rest before or after events
Scripts You Can Use
Here are simple ways to communicate a boundary clearly and kindly:
- “We are so glad to be here. We will head out around 6.”
- “We are taking breaks when needed today. Thanks for understanding.”
- “I am not available for conversations about eating or development.”
- “I am going to step outside for a few minutes.”
- “Please check with my child before offering hugs.”
You do not need to justify your decisions. You do not need to over explain. Clear and calm is enough.
When People Push Back
Sometimes others may react with confusion or defensiveness, especially if boundaries are new in your family. Discomfort is common, but it does not mean you are doing something wrong. And often, folks who need boundaries the most are the ones who push back the hardest.
You can stay grounded and respectful:
- “This is what works best for our family right now.”
- “I know it is different. Thank you for being flexible.”
- “I am not open to discussing this further.”
Holding a boundary is not unkind (even if it feels that way). It is a way of caring for yourself and your child.
Final Thoughts
Boundaries are not barriers to connection. They make connection easier by reducing stress and supporting safety, regulation, and choice.
This season, we hope you give yourself permission to honor what your family needs. Your child learns from the boundaries you model, and you deserve a holiday season that feels manageable and meaningful. If you or your child would benefit from extra support with emotional regulation, social communication, coping skills, or preparing for holiday gatherings, our mental health therapist, Kerina, is here to help.
We are cheering you on!
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